Three Cheers for the Great Outdoors, Part Five
(In case you missed it: Part One // Part Two // Part Three // Part Four)
V
“What the hell are you doing?”
Tony stopped in the middle of his latest private room and swayed a
little, one hand fisted on his waistband to hold his loose black sweats in
place, the other wrapped around his IV pole. “Going to the big boys’ room,” he
snapped. “What, do you want a number?” And with that, he resumed his careful,
shuffling walk.
Rhodey sighed. Three days: that’s all the time it took for Tony to
become almost incorrigible. But let’s be real: you’ve seen quicker
rebellions before. When it came to doctors and hospitals, half a week of
marginal cooperation was far better than Tony’s average — at least when he was
conscious and feeling better. “You know you’re supposed to ring the help before
you do that, right?”
And speak of the devil: a young, blonde nurse jogged in right on
cue. If Tony had been able to make out the guy’s mustache, Rhodey decided, he
probably would’ve dubbed him “Goose.”
“Mr. Stark —”
“Jesus fuck!” Tony burst, cutting off the impending
admonition. “You faint one time and suddenly everyone thinks
you’re an invalid.”
“It was twice,” Goose unhelpfully supplied.
Tony looked for all the world like he was trying to pierce his two
handlers with daggers mentally conjured from thin air.
“You know what?” Rhodey intervened, laying a hand on the nurse’s
shoulder. “Why don’t you head out? I think I’ve got ‘im.”
Tony didn’t wait for Goose to leave before slamming the bathroom
door shut. “For fuck’s sake,” he continued to rage, “is a little privacy
too much to ask for?” Then he turned on the tap, drowning out whatever else he
was muttering as he handled his business.
Rhodey sat down in the chair beside the bed and fiddled with the
TV remote, wanting to give Tony some much needed space. After all, he could
empathize. He knew what it was like to have nurses and therapists supervising
your every move.
At length, the water shut off and the aforementioned bathroom door
creaked back open.
“You know, I get it, Tony. I really do. But it’d probably help if
you were nicer to the hospital staff.”
“What are you talking about, Pudding Pop? I’m the
picture of charm and grace.”
“Uh huh. Sure you are. Especially in those fuzzy pink socks.”
Tony looked down at his feet. “They’re pink?”
“As Pepto Bismol. Looks good with the rest of the ensemble.”
In addition to the sweats and the socks under discussion, Tony was
also wearing a forest green bathrobe and tinted blue glasses. The combination
was a strange one, to say the least — certainly not what Tony would’ve selected
under any other circumstances.
“Watch it, buddy,” Tony warned, defensive. “If you’re smirking,
I’m taking back my War Machine armor and making it a scarecrow.”
“I’m not.” And Rhodey really wasn’t. Jokes aside, he knew Tony had
to be feeling especially vulnerable. Even though he’d kicked the worst of the
infection and his kidneys were definitely on the mend, his eyesight,
unfortunately, had continued to worsen since he’d woken from his fever-induced
stupor. And while Dr. Ratchford and the attending ophthalmologist were fairly
confident that Tony wouldn’t go completely blind before the
temporary inflammation peaked, even those expert opinions, Rhodey was sure, did
little to quell Tony’s deepest fears. “Is your color vision now completely
gone?”
“Yeah.”
His energy and bluster fading, Tony slumped onto the bed like a
string-cut marionette and scrubbed his face with the back of his wrist, the
sleeve of his robe slipping down to reveal a yellow “Fall Risk” band that had
seen better days. Has he been trying to chew that off his own arm? Rhodey
wondered. Honestly, he couldn’t put it past his proud and willful friend. Tony
Stark always does what he wants.
“How much can you see?”
“Enough to see you’re here. Enough to get around without tripping
over furniture. Other than that —” Tony shrugged, his hands opening in a
gesture of despair.
“Hey.” Rhodey’s palm hovered over Tony’s knee for a moment — then
landed. “No matter what, you know we’re all here for you, right?”
Tony’s mouth quirked up a little. “I know. It’s hard, but believe
me, I know.”
“Just let us know what’s on your mind, okay?”
“Don’t worry. I’m not gonna be like — well, you know. At least, I
hope not. I’m dying of boredom, I’m sick of daytime TV, and I’m fucking
terrified I’m never gonna see my daughter’s beautiful face again.” Tony’s voice
cracked, and he swallowed it down. “But weirdly, things are still a little more
together” — he tapped his temple — “up here.”
“And while we’re on that subject, have you phoned Doc Nolan? Set
up some remote appointments to talk this out?”
“Yep. Already done. And Pep’s looking for the vision team.”
“Huh.”
“Like I said, I’m a responsible adult now. Mostly.”
Rhodey laughed. “Well, I guess you have nothing left to do but
rest.”
“Not quite. There’s one last thing you can help me
with.” Tony leaned forward and pulled a little wired box out of the pocket of
his robe. “Something way more interesting than listening to
another rerun of Diners, Drive-Ins, & Dives.”
“That the transmitter beaming your ECG to the nurse’s station?”
Rhodey asked, on guard. Though he was happy to see that Tony’s previously
tetchy mood had passed for the time being, he distrusted the new mischievous
sparkle in the engineer’s eyes.
“I had FRIDAY run an analysis on this little spy device, and I
think I know how to rig it to broadcast an all-normal when I need it to.
Trouble is, I need a good pair of eyes.”
“Tony —”
“Come on, Rhodey Bear,” Tony begged, lengthening the
second syllable. “Just so I can answer a call of nature every once in a while
without the whole universe buying tickets to watch? I promise I won’t misuse my
power. But freedom is my birthright.”
Damn it. He’s really turning it on, the smarmy bastard. Rhodey never could resist Tony’s puppy-dog eyes no matter how hard he tried — even if he knew he was being played. Several infamous visits to the dean’s office at MIT attested to that sad fact.
“So much for being responsible,” Rhodey finally said, throwing up
his hands in abject surrender.
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